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Life is cyclical. There are always beginnings and endings.
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September is a special month for me. The month of shifts, colors, smells. Spring brings movement to the southern hemisphere and autumn brings cooling breezes to the northern hemisphere.
Today I want to share 36 lessons I’ve learned through life. A lesson for each year of my life. Some are reflections, others are convictions.
To welcome my birthday month in good style, here are the wisdom drops collected in 36 years:
#1 Saying No Is Saying Yes
“No” is a decision. “Yes” is a commitment. Have the courage to be disliked. Set boundaries. What truly matters to you? Value your “yeses” by saying more “nos” in your life. Not everyone deserves your precious resources: time, energy, presence, attention, and love.
#2 You Are Not The Center Of The World
You’re a supporting actor in everyone’s lives, except yours. People outside your inner circle are more concerned with their own navel than you are. A very few cares about you and will support your dreams. Keep these people close.
#3 Adults Solve, Children Complain
Doing what you love is amateurism. Loving what you do is professionalism. Adults do, children cry. Children only want to have fun. Adults do what needs to be done. When you combine what needs to be done with what you love, you’ve found the perfect world. What I call it the sweet spot.
#4 Know Yourself Very Well
There are many paths, but the end goal is the same: self-knowledge and to get better. Bring awareness to your blind spots. Shine light on your shadows. You’ll get surprised. What are your weaknesses, strengths, virtues and tendencies? Explore, observe, take notes.
#5 People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel
Emotions leave a track for good or bad. How do you want to be remembered?
Compete less, cooperate more. Revenge less, love more.
Argue less, celebrate more. Speak less, listen more.
Criticize less, praise more. Quarrel less, hug more.
Dispute less, exercise more. Cry less, kiss more.
#6 Everything Is About Energy, Frequency and Vibration
Energy never lies. You’re your own oracle. Trust your gut feelings. Your intuition is your GPS. Your body knows who should have less access to you and where not to go. Listen to it. How do you feel after hanging out with people or in certain places? Energized or drained?
#7 We Are All One
"As you touch a human soul, be just another human soul."
We’re stardust having a human experience. Our essence is the same. We’re part of a unit. We all have the same needs, insecurities, fears, joys, and aspirations. Together, we can achieve more.
#8 You Are The Alchemist Of Your Life
Transform your blood, sweat, and tears into something useful to you and society. Change beliefs. Create opportunities. Combine forces. Coach yourself. Seek for more. Learn and unlearn. Don’t overlook the details. Refinement is the key. Turn lead into gold. I know you can.
#9 You Become What You Give Your Attention To
Instead of trying to be a “reader,” read ten pages of a book per day.
Instead of trying to be a “writer,” write 800 words day in and out.
Instead of trying to be “fit,” exercise regularly.
You’ll become the noun when you practice the verb enough. Be consistent!
#10 Be The Change You Wish To See In The World
Who is the person in the mirror? The outside world is a mere reflection of your inner world. Don’t waste time. Stop judging others. Replace complaining with self-reflection. Focus on what you have control over. Listen to your heart. The rest is pure noise and vanity.
#11 You Live The Story You Tell Yourself
Self-sabotage. Procrastination. Comparison. Are you the hero or villain of your own story? Be your best ally, not an enemy. Stop comparing yourself to others. Be kind to yourself. Your game, your rules, your failures, and your victories. Build the life you want to live.
#12 You Are Unique
Your voice, hairstyle, attitude, temper, and kindness. You are a masterpiece in the making. There are no unique messages, only unique messengers. Being different is more important than being the best.
There is no problem in being an outlier. Take advantage of who you are. People have different tastes, choices, and opinions. Some of them are unforgettable.
#13 Let It Go
Let go of the people who are not ready to love you. It's the hardest thing you'll have to do in your life and it will be the most important thing too. What falls from a gypsy's cart no longer belongs to him. Don't chase what has already left your life. Accept the past and move on.
#14 All The Glitters Is Not Gold
Appearances can be deceiving. Not everything is what it seems. False expectations is the root of all pain and frustrations. Accept people and things as they are; not as you wish they were. Life is for those who are brave enough to take risks and humble enough to learn.
#15 Get Clarity On Your Non-Negotiables
What can't you live without? Love, respect, loyalty, intimacy, reciprocity, self-care, friendship, purpose.
Investing in self-development is like paying your electricity bill. Cut it for a month and you'll be back in the shadows of your past. Therapy is not just about healing wounds, it's also about not hurting others.
#16 Don't Confuse Solitude With Loneliness
An old soul loves solitude. If you recharge spending hours alone, welcome to the club. Loneliness is the lack of connection. You can be surrounded by people and yet feel alone.
#17 Everything In Life Is Subjective
Nothing is absolute. Life is not binary. Nothing is just black or white. The world we live in has countless shades of gray. It’s plural, diverse, contradictory, so as our inner world. Don't look for ready-made answers. Look for the right questions. Be curious and become wiser.
#18 Don't Complain, Don't Explain
Here is a lesson on autonomy and accountability. I rarely complain because I don’t think I should have to explain myself to other people, and I don’t think other people should have to explain themselves to me. If you don't agree with, move to the next topic.
#19 Be A Leader Of Yourself
People respect you for your competence, but they will only love you for your character.
Competence is how good you are when there is something at stake.
Character is how good you are when there is nothing to gain or a lot to lose.
#20 Love Yourself
When you learn to value who you are, no one can make you feel less than amazing.
Some people will love you for who you used to be. Others will love you for who they want you to be. Very few will love you for who you are. Learn to tell the difference and be happy.
#21 The Value of Time
Time is a precious resource. If you respect your time, others will follow suit. Be on time, set expectations upfront, get clear on your goals, block mornings for productive work. Time working is as important as your time off. How we spend time reflects our priorities.
#22 Avoid Making Decisions When You Are H.A.L.T.
Hungry? Don't be moody. Find something nutritious to eat and be happy again.
Angry? Identify what irritates you, seek ways to cool yourself down, or just go for a walk.
Lonely? Reach out to your supporting network and ask for help. Isolation is not healthy.
Tired? Get enough sleep. Your body needs rest to function and perform properly.
#23 There Is No Free Lunch
Don’t expect to get something good without having to pay for it or make any effort. Nothing is really free in this life. There will always be an interest in every action. Even the most genuine relationships.
#24 Practice Selective Ignorance
Ignore topics that steal your attention. Avoid people who drain your energy. Decline projects that consume your time and do not generate impact. Don't watch all the news on TV.
To choose selective ignorance is to choose intentional knowledge.
#25 Take Risks, Not Chances
Embrace failure. Fail fast and learn from it. Losses and gains are the fabric of life. It’s better to fail than to never try at all. Pressure is a privilege of those in the arena, not in the stands.
#26 Rise From Ashes
Like a rubber ball, resilient people bounce back from failures and return to their baseline.
Anti fragile people thrive on adversity. As a rising phoenix, they emerge stronger than ever.
#27 Patience Is A Virtue
Embrace the seasons of life and its peculiarities, knowing that in every time and every activity, there is a divine purpose. Life teaches us patience every day. Being gentle and unwavering before adversities is a superpower.
#28 Cultivate Self-Responsibility
Who has a strong “why” for living can endure any “how.” “He knows the 'why' for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any 'how.” “When a man becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears for another human being, he will never be able to throw away his life.”
#29 Throw Your Hat Over The Wall
Don’t wait for the perfect time. The best decisions in life are not 100% rational. Adapt to what life has to offer. Embrace change and growth. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. If necessary, burn your bridges. Become the person you want to be with no hesitation.
#30 You Fall To The Level Of Your Systems
Create systems to save energy with your decisions. Use technology to leverage your life.
Why not creating a meal plan for your entire week?
Can't you automate recurring payments or transfers to your savings account?
How about asking your AI assistant to add reminders to your personal calendar?
#31 Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time
Focus on rituals and behaviors. Pay attention to nutrition, exercise, sleep, hydration. Set boundaries, remain disciplined. Work in blocks, take breaks and recharge. Managing your time well is rewarding. But managing your energy will make you unstoppable.
#32 Make Rest A Habit, Not A Reward
Recovery time and rest are essential parts of any high-performer. Make rest a habit; not an event. Sleep enables your body to restore and eliminate toxins. It enhances your cognitive response. Rest to be healthy, rest to perform, rest to live better.
#33 Everything Happens For A Reason
Life is perfectly imperfect. Nothing in life is in vain. Everything is a blessing or a lesson. There are no coincidences, there are only purposes. Changes happen from the inside out. Each challenge teaches us something and prepares us for what we desire so much. Believe it!
#34 Life Does Not Owe You Anything
Success is not a right, it’s a privilege. You are in charge of your destiny. Transform obstacles into opportunities, carbon into diamonds. Expect many defeats along the way. Success is never guaranteed. And when it comes, it’s transient. So, have a purpose.
#35 Kindness Is Not Weakness
The world is full of smart people. Pay attention and protect your heart. Being good does not mean you're being foolish. Set boundaries. Define how far it's healthy and acceptable to go. It's awesome to be good to others, but first and foremost, be good to yourself.
#36 Face your Fears
Fears and insecurities change, but they will always be with us. Learn to date your fears. Choose courage instead of fear. Expand your discomfort zone. Pay the price and the results will come. Courage is fear walking. Take the leap of faith, wait no more.
I hope you enjoyed reading these reflections as I’ve enjoyed writing them.
And remember...
“Nothing in life is in vain. Everything is either a blessing or a lesson.”
PS: This is the last edition of Intellego newsletter project.
Thank you so much for embarking on this journey with me. 🌷
Light and peace,
—FMV
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✍️ Written by Fabíola Maia-Veres every Tuesday at 7pm.
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