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- Burnout: the self-care crisis - part 1
The first warning
It was a sunny Saturday on October 2021. Weather was cool in Hungary. I went hiking to disconnect from my hectic schedules as mentioned in edition 001.
I used to hike in the Pilis mountains before, with no steep routes or difficult terrain. But this time I said to my partner “Hey, let’s slow down because I’m getting tired and lightheaded.”
A few minutes later, my heartbeat increased. I started to breath heavier and heavier. Then, shortness of breath. I inhaled deeper and deeper to catch more air, but my attempts failed miserably. I thought I would die.
As for a miracle, I recovered my breath. I could rest, walk again, and finish the hike. On the way back home, I asked myself “Am I sick”? “Do I need to go to the hospital”? “What is wrong with my health”?
Our bodies give subtle signals of malfunctions. We’re just too busy or distracted to pay attention. That day I realized how fragile we are and the little control we have over our own bodies. Let’s do a quick exercise: do you control your lungs, kidneys, heart, liver, stomach? Of course not.
Thoughts of recent experiences, family, and work overwhelmed my mind that night. I tried to stop that mental turmoil, but no success.
I tried to shut down my thoughts, but they came at me without stopping. My own ghosts were racking me. I was afraid and distressed. I prayed while already laying in bed attempting to calm myself down. After 30 minutes of inner battle, I fell asleep.
I woke up feeling better, but I remained troubled by the events. Even though I was busy with my duties and ambitious goals, that thought remained in the back of my mind.
This episode outlines the beginning of my burnout journey. Let me tell you one thing, these facts were only the tip of the iceberg.
“Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.”
The silent storm
As the demands increased, I found myself in a perpetual state of hyper-vigilance. The long working hours became the norm. The accolades poured in, promotions followed, and the glittering facade of success seemed perfect. I felt a constant need to outperform myself and my peers. I became an overtime champion. Yet beneath the surface, a storm was brewing.
The first signs of burnout were subtle, easy to dismiss, or misinterpret as the normal stressors of a challenging career. Yet, as the demands increased, so did the symptoms. Fatigue became a constant companion, and the passion that once fueled my work began to flicker. Lack of sleep and persistent headaches and brain fog became routine, yet I pressed on, attributing these manifestations to the price of success.
After getting frustrated with my increasing number of health issues and performance decline, I researched about my symptoms on the internet, listened to podcasts, visited doctors and read a few articles.
During a podcast hosted by the Brazilian journalist Izabella Camargo (@izabellacamargoreal), who suffered burnout herself, I was introduced to two terms: burnout syndrome and sustainable productivity.
She does not know, but this woman was my lighthouse. She shed lights on my doubts and ignorance on the topic. I am forever grateful to my family and her for all the support and enlightenment during my darkest times.
“Our role as humans is to recognize the complexity of others.”
Soon I learned that people who love what they do are more prone to develop burnout. Here are some symptoms impossible to ignore which I experienced myself:
Aggressiveness and irritability;
Mood disorder;
Extreme fatigue;
Shortness of breath;
Anxiety and depression;
Dizziness;
Muscle tension;
Low motivation and self-esteem;
Eyelid twitching;
Difficulty sleeping;
Digestive issues;
Hair loss;
Tingling sensations;
Vascular alterations;
Cognitive impairment.
List goes on… tachycardia, gastritis, immune system disorders, tremors...
And I also discovered that there are 12 stages of burnout:
Compulsive ambition: “I must prove myself”.
Working harder: “I must do more”.
Neglecting needs: “I don’t have time for that”.
Displacement or avoiding conflict: “Nothing is wrong”.
Revising values: “This is more important” (lack of time for non-work-related needs).
Denial: “The problem is others”.
Withdrawal: “I need time alone”.
Behavior changes: “I’m fine, stop worrying”.
Depersonalization: “I just need to make it through today” (you don’t feel like yourself).
Sense of emptiness: “I don’t feel much anymore” (substance abuse can occur).
Depression: “Nothing really matters”.
Mental or physical collapse or exhaustion: “I can’t go on”.
Based on my symptoms, I was between levels 11 and 12 on that scale. I reflected: “Who am I”? “What is the purpose of life”? “What do I want to do?”. I didn’t know the answer.
The realization that I was simply acting out a role assigned to me left me feeling inauthentic and disempowered, as if I was not in control of my life. Everything seemed fake. I was unhappy. I wanted to stop everything and disappear.
Burnout silently steals everything from you - health, relationships, work, self-esteem - until little or nothing remains.
Or have we neglected our needs long enough, triggering warnings from our bodies? That’s a question to be answered. Yes, I am still assembling the puzzle.
It is not what you do. It is not how you do it. The most important thing is to prioritize your well-being. Anyone or anything that deviates you from this path should not be part of your life.
The Superman/ Wonder Woman archetype
From an early age, I was always very active. I remembered telling my mom when I was eight years old, “I want to become an adult to manage my money and be independent”.
I studied hard and worked intensely. How many times did I say “you can let me figure it out”, “I will solve this right now”, “of course I can handle it”… among many other phrases that reinforced the “Wonder Woman” that I thought I was.
Because we want to be a super daughter, sister, friend, mother, professional, wife… we end up being terrible to ourselves. Look, this is pertinent to men as well.
Here is the usual archetypes of people who may develop burnout:
Problem solver;
Challenges seeker;
Care taker;
People pleaser;
Control freak.
Be careful, don’t fall into the addictive competence trap. And because you love too much what you do, you end up accumulating more tasks and responsibilities.
“A schedule full of commitments is a powerful subterfuge to hide what we don’t want to see, remember what we can’t resolve.”
The fall
I wanted to win an Formula-1 race using a 1.0 engine car or expecting an extraordinary gaming experience while using an outdated PC and operating system.
I had lost myself in false beliefs and behaviors that I thought would take me to the top, to a wonderful situation. In fact, they took me. However, the lifestyle I was living was unrealistic.
My success, choices, and prestige had a price. The high cost was my well-being, my peace. My physical and mental health were worsening, I did not exercise, my eating habits weren’t the best. I ate when I remembered. My water intake decreased. I abused coffee, hoping to get a boost of energy when my body was already showing signs of chronic fatigue.
Despite feeling overwhelmed, I had no desire for anything other than work. How ironic that can be? My emotional relationships were falling apart, I avoided socializing. I barely had time to take care of myself, let alone spend time with family and friends.
The snowball effect was inevitable, silently affecting all areas of my life. My mental health declined with the increasing stress, poor habits, lack of proper sleep, and rest. My anxiety levels skyrocketed. I started drinking alcohol more frequently and smoking - a surreal step for a non-smoker - to compensate dissatisfaction level I had reached with my life.
Between 2022 and 2023, my world turned upside down. In less than one-year span, I was hospitalized twice to recognize I wasn’t taking care of the most important person in my life: myself.
The game changed when I realized I was living an unsustainable lifestyle, a life without purpose and no alignment with personal values, fighting a battle that was not even mine. It was irrelevant putting more energy or effort into work, as the results were not appearing.
The worst decision you can do while losing performance is to work more. You don’t need more work, you need more rest.
The harder I tried to deliver, the less happy I was and the fewer results I achieved. I felt exhausted, confused, unmotivated, no prospects. There were several lessons learned along my burnout journey. But the greatest lesson of all was self-love.
With losses, there is no other way: lose them. With your gains, the benefit is to savor each one like seasonal fruit.
The turning point
I created an easy-to-understand justification for others that I no longer wanted my job. Because when you have health issues like kidney crisis, broken leg or bronchitis, it’s simple for people to comprehend. But if you have an emotional or psychological problem, people can be skeptical. It’s more difficult for them to conceive.
After I became more knowledgeable on the topic and I sensed my mental and physical condition deteriorating, I resigned from my job with the premise to heal and build an alternative lifestyle. It was not a simple decision to make, but I’ve chosen to take care of myself. I’ve planned this move together with my family for months. I feel blessed for having them in my life.
Then I began my journey of self-knowledge. “Where have I lost my identity”? I asked myself this question several times. The answer was not straightforward. It took me four months of therapy and intense self investigation to arrive at a conclusion.
I had lost myself in limiting beliefs learned from my family and life situations. I had lost myself in behaviors that I admired in my parents, and I unconsciously replicated them into my personal and professional environment.
In my weekly conversation with my psychologist Aline Feitosa (@alinefeitosasampaio), we explored and demystified the role belief of the wonder woman. I concluded there is nothing wrong with being the heroine of my life, but it’s necessary to set healthy boundaries.
Like any other human being, I need breaks, rest, support, solace and space to reveal my vulnerabilities - what we often want to forget or mask.
To conclude, I paraphrased one of my favorite Brazilian bands, Kid Abellha (@kidabelhaoficial). Saying no is saying yes. Get clarity, know what is good for you. It’s not just a guessing game. Get real, show your limits, your boundaries with sincerity. There is no need to feel insecure.
I know that saying no to yourself can be much easier than to someone else. But in the long term, this is harmful. Imagine the number of yeses in an account, and at some point you will need to look at it. Is this account in blue or red?
Life becomes lighter when we are our greatest allies. We know and establish limits well and prioritize what really matters.
How many yeses have you said to yourself today?
Remember, you’re your first love. You are your most valuable asset. Choose yourself more often.
“Learn to say ‘no’ to the good so you can say ‘yes’ to the best.”
In the next edition #005 let's explore more about burnout, my healing process and the currency of the new age: happiness.
Talk to you next week.
Light and peace,
Dum Spiro Spero! ⭐
—FMV
🧠 My Mental Download:
📕 (1) What I'm reading:
-Essentialism: blueprint on clarity, teaches that the essential can be enough.
🎧 (2) What I'm listening to:
-Monster: love at the first listening. Strong, rebel, truthful.
🤓 (3) What I'm studying:
-Happy: documentary about what really makes people happy. Combining real life stories and interviews with the leading scientists in happiness research.
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