Money lies we tell ourselves

The impasse

When our parents have different views and behaviors about money, things get very confusing for a child. Imagine one parent is a compulsive buyer and the other saves every penny.

To avoid arguments, disappointments and the reality as it presents, both of them pretended everything was under control, no matter what. As a result, children lack a true concept of money. Many walk through adult life thinking, “Money doesn’t matter until you’re broke, and then you panic.”

How do you know there’s enough? What is important to spend money on, and what isn’t? What’s the best reality, the beautiful building or the horrible apartment inside? Are all rich people greedy and they don’t really care about people?

As an adult, we trace much of the problem we’ve had with money to those conflicting messages learned at a young age. For example, I grew up believing that money was insignificant and dedicating myself to hard work, performing well, and gaining recognition were the keys to success.

Don’t fall into the trap that working hard will assure you of a good life. I confess I struggled to negotiate salary raises, saving for future and simply enjoying life because working hard was my only measure of self-worth.

Is money your God or your servant? Answer this question to get clarity on where you stand before initiating your financial journey. Otherwise, your actions will not correspond to the facts.

Most of us have a dysfunctional relationship with money perpetuated over generations. We often overlook the power of money when navigating life’s challenges. Developing a healthy and informed approach to money is crucial to break free from these limitations and establish positive financial habits.

The experience

I wasn’t born poor. As the oldest daughter of two public school teachers, I had a good life - food on the table, clean clothes, private education, many toys. But there were some limitations, especially in respect of entertainment, leisure and superfluous activities for three children.

My seeker spirit wanted more from life - know the world outside the countryside bubble, new connections, swimming and painting lessons, excursions to museums, summer holidays with friends. As Brazilians from a middle-class background, with limited financial knowledge or resources, we often sacrifice our aspirations or delay them indefinitely to make ends meet.

As a child, I witnessed my parents’ struggles as they worked tirelessly to raise me and my sisters. I recall a particular day when I was calculating the cost of my school fees for the next decade on a piece of paper. As a ten-year-old girl, I roughly estimated that my family could afford a car or even a modest house with the amount of money they would invest in my education.

It was mind-blowing. I discovered the cost of decision-making and consumption with that exercise. I also learned money gives you opportunities, choices and peace of mind. In that exact moment, I was determined to pursue freedom and become the one in charge of money, rather than being subordinate to it. Perhaps if I hadn’t grasped the importance of being the protagonist of my life at 10, I wouldn’t have the chance to know Europe at 35.

This reality underscores the challenges faced by many families in our society, who must navigate financial constraints and prioritize survival over pursuing their dreams. Despite these obstacles, people persevere and work tirelessly to create a better future for themselves and their loved ones, demonstrating the resilience and determination of the human spirit.

But my path, like anybody else’s, was not always glamorous and colorful, as it seems. Yes, I was also tired of ramen noodles and chicken nuggets during my university years. I’ve been there, I completely get it.

Overcoming obstacles requires patience and resilience. In edition 003, I explored the concept of getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. You must adapt, learn to dance with fear, and use life’s challenges to bounce back, reinvent yourself, and rewrite your own story.

I don’t share my life details to inflate my ego. It’s for inspiring you, to provoke you to design the life you dream of. Answer honestly: “Will your current plan really lead you to the life you dream of living?”

This is one of the most powerful questions for those who want more from life. I’m asking you again: “Is what you’re doing today the best thing you can do to live the life of your dreams?” Be honest with yourself. The worst lie is the one you tell yourself.

The solution

Your habits are the silent architects of your life. Embrace positive habits aligned with your goals to create the lifestyle you desire.

Personal finance is an essential ingredient to our success as it impacts various aspects of our lives. A weak financial start can create multiple challenges, and our instincts often conflict with sound financial habits, like delaying gratification, long-term planning, and living below or within our means.

The exercise for today is simple, yet not easy. Think about your recent purchases. When was the last time you bought something for yourself? Today? This week? This month?

Was it a new car or phone? A new pair of shoes? Drinks to be wasted? A Starbucks latte?

Pause here and think about the last purchase you made. I’m not here to judge if it was $5 or $5000.

Now I’m going to ask you another question: “Why do you keep buying things that won’t do anything to improve your life?”

The latte will be gone in hours. Drinks will be gone with a hangover. The 23 pair of shoes, do you really need it? That new car or phone? Congratulations, the dopamine will wear off in 6 months when the new models come out.

You spend so much time and energy on things that do not matter. They won’t take you to the next level. Sure thing, they feel good at the moment. They might even improve your quality of life momentarily.

But ultimately, they don’t contribute to your long-term goals or financial freedom. Which means they’re a waste of money masquerading a void as things you need.

If you really wanted to break free, you would buy yourself something that could actually change your life and improve your skill set - courses, books, mentorship, travels, therapy, investments, etc.

Reflect on it next time you go to buy something you don’t really need. Instead, ask yourself: “What are the behaviors you can adopt that you’d boost your overall well-being?”

Positive change does not happen overnight. Anything worth having takes time. Like a baby, feel the ground, explore the surroundings, assess safety, go for it. So, wake up a few minutes earlier, do light physical exercises, read a few pages of a book or write 250 words a day.

As said in edition 006, respect the time of things. To conclude, I leave a final question to you: “What is the price you’re willing to pay to achieve your dream life?” There are no shortcuts, no one creates good habits through radical changes. Establishing progressive steps is key to success. But if you’re not committed enough, just ignore this message and settle for less than you deserve. I will not. Take baby steps, but do it. Growth is a daily choice.

Talk to you next week.

Light and peace,

Dum Spiro Spero! ⭐

—FMV

🧠 My Mental Download:

📕 (1) What I'm reading:

-Mind over Money: unveils the 12 most common “money disorders”.

🎧 (2) What I'm listening to:

-Natural: passionate, moving, imaginative music. Florian Christl and its unique style.

🤓 (3) What I'm studying:

-Richest man in the world: a reflection on what wealth means to you.

📩 About the Intellego Newsletter:

💡 Intellego is the process of gaining insights to better understand the world.

✍️ Letter is written by Fabíola Maia-Veres every Tuesday at 7pm.

🐝 Newsletter is configured and sent by BeeHiiv.

💬 📝 How did it go?

Suggest a topic for the next Intellego edition. Reply to this email or DM me @fabiolamaiaveres. Your feedback fuels my writing.