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Throughout your life, no one has made you suffer more than yourself.
🎼 📖 Read Intellego #024 by listening to:
Intro
"We are mirrors to others." These words hit home. They went through my armor of rationality and touched my heart.
They're so precise as an arrow of a well-trained archer hitting the target. I could not believe a phrase from a self-help book could have this effect on me.
It could be anything. A random conversation at a bus stop, a video, a podcast, a sentence said in a meeting, a message from a friend. Words are potential seeds that can resonate and trigger transformation.
Words are powerful. They can save or destroy lives, make peace, or trigger war. It doesn’t matter if they come from a close friend or a complete stranger.
Books saved me so many times. My inner compass points out to keep learning.
Reading and writing - that’s my present and future. I write to give back what I already received. That’s my realization and commitment. What are yours?
We make commitments every day. Many of them. With ourselves, with other people, work, a dream life, a successful career, a financial goal, friends, spouse, family, society, etc.
However, the most important commitments are the ones we make to ourselves. They tell a lot about us - who we are, how we feel, what we believe and how we behave.
The result of our choices and habits shapes us and builds what we call personality. Without noticing, you’re sculpturing yourself every day. You’re what you do and what you do not do.
Death is not the greatest fear that men have; our biggest fear is being alive.
1st: Power of Words
"Your time is not more valuable than mine." I heard this comment from a close friend since I was twenty minutes late for our meeting.
Once more, a phrase hit home. Since this episode, I do my best to be on time. That's how I respect myself and people around me.
Honor your words. Life happens, unforeseen events happen. We know that. Be impeccable with your word and actions, even in adversity. This shows the value that a person has.
Likewise, breaking your word will hurt your integrity. How do you want to cultivate trust if you are not congruent with your words?
Trust = good conduct + congruence + time
This is a simple and powerful code of conduct, yet people don't apply it in their lives. Here I share three daily exercises:
Speak with integrity and honesty: avoid using jargon and words to speak ill of yourself or others.
Words express who you're: the language you use can either uplift or harm.
Think twice before speaking: be mindful and choose words that promote truth and love.
Words are powerful. They're the means through which we communicate our thoughts and intentions. They shape our reality and influence how we perceive the world and ourselves.
Perfecting your words requires a high level of self-awareness and responsibility. Take baby steps but keep progressing. First, refrain from gossip. Second, avoid self-deprecating talk. Third, mean what you say.
The human mind is a fertile soil. In this sense, words are like seeds planted in people's minds.
When we speak with kindness and integrity, we plant positive seeds that can grow into healthy and fruitful relationships.
Conversely, negative or harmful words can sow seeds of doubt, resentment, fear, and destruction.
Being spotless with your actions is not just about personal integrity but also about contributing to a more positive and harmonious world.
Self-rejection is the greatest of all sins.”
2nd: Don’t feel offended
Nothing others do is because of you; it is because of themselves. If you take everything personally, you agree with what is being said. You accept people's emotional trash, which becomes yours.
Understand that others' actions and words reflect their own reality, not yours.
When we take things personally, we make ourselves vulnerable to needless suffering and emotional turmoil.
We decode anything as a source of conflict, suffer and pain. It occurs when we interpret others' words and actions as a direct threat to our worth or character.
What others say and do is a projection of their own beliefs, experiences, and internal state.
By not taking things personally, we protect ourselves from the emotional roller-coaster that comes from seeking validation or approval from others.
It's a lesson of detachment. An invitation to develop a strong sense of self and to recognize our intrinsic worth, independent of external opinions.
When we internalize this lesson, we can navigate the world with greater confidence and resilience. We become less reactive to criticism and more grounded in our own values and beliefs.
You create an image or a movie in your mind. And you are the director, the producer and the protagonist of this movie. Everyone else is supporting actors. Your life is your film.
Are you satisfied with the film you are producing, with your life commitments? Are you at peace? Do you feel happy with your life?
You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for yourself.
3rd: Don’t Assume
You don’t need to go so far. It’s enough to like a photo on Instagram or to receive a message on your phone. A single like can generate an avalanche of doubts and questions in another person:
"Where do you know this man from?"
"What relationship do you have with him to like a photo like that?"
"Have you had an affair with him?"
Don't jump to conclusions. Don't fall into the pitfalls of making assumptions about others and situations. Instead, seek clarity and ask questions - thousand of them.
"I figured..."I thought that..." "I imagined..." Assumptions are often based on incomplete information and can lead to conflicts, stress, unnecessary suffering, and misunderstandings.
Assuming is a natural part of human cognition. That's how our mind works. We need to justify, explain, and understand everything to feel safe and combat uncertainty.
We like to connect dots even if they're not real. And we often fill in gaps in our understanding with assumptions. However, it can create distorted perceptions of reality and lead to actions based on misinformation.
For example, assuming someone is upset with us without verifying the truth can lead to unnecessary anxiety and strained relationships.
By committing to not making assumptions, we cultivate a mindset of curiosity and open communication. We learn to ask questions, seek clarity, and verify information before jumping to conclusions.
Embrace a nonviolent communication. This practice not only reduces misinterpretation but also fosters deeper and more meaningful connections with others.
Encourage people to listen actively and engage in honest dialogue, which can prevent many conflicts and build trust.
We often draw conclusions about ourselves and others. With this, we only attract inner conflicts.
4th: Always Do Your Best
Don't you think the engineer and his crew did their best while building the house you live in?
Don’t you think the nurse did her best while taking care of your beloved one at the hospital?
Do you give the best of you when you work, befriend, or are in a relationship?
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule.
Our best effort will vary from moment to moment. One day you can run a marathon, walk 5 km around the block or complete 100 push ups challenge.
In another, your best accomplishment is a twenty minutes stretching, a coffee with a friend or picking up your kids after school.
These are a few examples of how we strive to do our best in any circumstance. That's all fine.
Accept being perfectly imperfect. That's how I approach life nowadays. Piece of cake, right? Of course, not.
We all have highs and lows in life. What matters is how we navigate these phases. To be honest, it requires a good dose of compassion and self-love.
Let’s play a game. Think of one thing you learn from your life experiences. Did it help you to be a better person? If yes, be grateful for it.
Having this practical and positive approach to life sets you apart. It's less about perfection and more about making a sincere effort in everything you do.
Understand and accept that your best will change depending on factors such as your physical health, emotional state, and external conditions.
However, when you do your best, you avoid self-judgment, guilt, and regret.
When we give our best effort, we can be at peace with the outcomes, regardless of whether they meet external expectations.
We feel a sense of satisfaction and self-acceptance because we know we have put in our honest effort.
Staying present and engaged in the tasks at hand. That's our greatest commitment and challenge. That's how we better ourselves each day.
Conclusion
When we integrate these four principles into our lives, we create a foundation for personal freedom and transformation. They help us break free from self-imposed limitations and negative patterns of thinking.
When you break fear-based commitments and exchange them for love-based ones, you reclaim your personal power and navigate life with greater clarity, peace, and joy. I dare to say is a lifelong journey. It's not impossible, though.
I wish this text will reach you in the same subtle way as the words of Don Miguel Ruiz found me. After all, beauty lies in the simplicity of things.
Talk to you next week.
Light and peace,
—FMV
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